Blog Updates from Marissa Deshauteurs

It’s been a whole month since my husband resigned from his 9to5 and joined me at home to be his own boss as a full-time entrepreneur! He’s been so focused on this goal for the past 9 years and it’s finally here. 

I share this with you - my friends, coaching clients, and new friends who might have stumbled across this list somehow - I share this because if this can happen for us, it can most certainly happen for you. 

But do you have a list of people you call to help you with your most important life goals?  When you're ready to take your goal achievements to the next level, keep reading to learn how.

If you could change one thing about your life today that would positively impact all your tomorrows, what would your one thing be? 

2020 has given me complete permission to slow things down and be still...and I refuse to let that vibe go. 

Mama, as the heart beat of the home, may I encourage you to make it your daily goal to never get so busy that you miss out on the gifts that happen in the day to day.  

This Christmas hit differently without all the hustle and bustle stress attached to it. 

I whole heartedly showed up for my family today - by not baking all day, by not stressing about the decorations (or lack of), by not caring if the family pictures got sent or posted…

Even though the temperatures dropped below 40 degrees, our home stayed comfortable and that makes my mama heart happy. 

We haven’t used our central heat in our home in over 5 years —yep!  

The reason why is because in the past, my entire family would always get sick with some type of upper respiratory infection when we turned it on. 

There is so much power in simply knowing someone is going to show up for you, because they care for you; having accountability + the desire to finally start thriving in your life.  

So before you grab the the boxes and the tape and the wrapping paper this year…before you start wrapping gifts, I want you to take a few moments to take inventory of all of your accomplishments over this past year. And then I want you to recommit to all of the things that you wish you’d done. 

Trust me when I say, now is not the time to ignore your wins, no matter how small you think they are - celebrate you! Taking inventory will help you to see where you are now - & help you determine how you’ll get to where you want to be.

First thing to remember is this… It’s in our nature to resist change. It really is. The uncertainty that comes with the change is often uncomfortable and we love our creature comforts of always feeling like we know what’s next.  

Our survival instincts perceive that a change as a threat.

Key words here are 'perceive' & ’threat'. I doesn’t matter if the threat is real or not, but essentially… our brains can’t see past what it can’t see. 

Working from home - & ultimately being your own boss - requires a certain level of discipline and purpose behind it. 

It’s not easy to keep showing up for yourself when experiencing a hard day…you've got to build a solid reason to keep you going. 

It’s easier to give up and quit when you don’t have one of who things….

• One - either someone in your face telling you that you can’t quit (typical 9to 5) 

• OR you’ve got a heart-centered reason why you refuse to quit.

I’ve got my hands on the latter and it feels so good to have business that not only provide an additional, steady stream of residual income, but also provides a way for me to give back and serve my audience!

• guilt
• shame
• anger 
• humiliation 
• embarrassment 
• trust 

One of my favorite things to do with my husband since becoming parents is attend marriage and family conferences together. Not only do marriage and family conferences make great date nights, we always walk away knowing more about ourselves, our marriage, and our parenting styles than when we first came. 

Both my husband and I come from a very old school way of raising children and it hasn’t been easy for us to arrive on the same page when it comes to discipline for our boys; but attending conference offers us the time and space to not only learn how to be better parents, but it’s a great way to get away for some alone time. 

At the last conference we attended, one of the speakers gave an opening message that I have since stuck on a post-it note to my office wall. ‘Connect before you correct.’ 

In a nut shell, It simply means that it’s important to keep the relationship with your children open and strong in order for the discipline and correction to be effective.

This really stood out to me because when I was growing up, most adults around me didn’t really know how to connect to children emotionally. Our obvious and basic needs were always met, but there was always a lack of emotional bonding and communicational skills that I didn’t fully understand until I myself was became a mom. 

And to preface this story even more, weeks leading up to this conference, we had been recently having an increasingly hard time with our then 4 year old son. 

I’ll dive deeper into what some of those hards days looked like specifically and what we did to help us understand him which inevitably helped up to build a stronger family bond. 

Take it from me,  I know what it looks and feels like to be in a family where adults don’t necessarily know how to love children in a way that children can understand. 

I know what it feels like to hear, ‘I don’t like you’, from adults in my life, based on the mistakes I had made as a child.

I know what it feels like to be told, ‘I will like you better when you learn to listen.’

Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages of Children says, ‘Most parents love their children dearly and also want their children to feel loved, but very few know how to adequately convey that feeling.'

For now I will leave you with something important that I learned. 

One of the best way that I’ve found that work very well in developing and keeping a healthy relationship with your children is by finding out what your child’s specific love language is. 

Just like you would learn what your spouse’s love language is, you child needs to be loved in his own way too. 

And I’ll take it even further and say children also need to be loved according to their brain development level. We’ll talk more about that later so stay tuned for Friday’s Blog post so if this resonates with you, feel free to sign up for updates here.

Until then, it gives me so much joy to be able to connect with all of you and hear your unique stories. You can always contact me here or hop over to our private FB group where we talk about this and more. 

Til next time. 

Xoxo

Marissa

There are times in our lives when we feel like everything is falling apart.

Our back is against the wall and there is no way out. 

We do our best, we know when we are weak that he is strong, and we trust that the Lord is faithful.

But that doesn't make the trials go away. 

That doesn't make the fear disappear. 

And it definitely doesn't make it any easier. 

We choose to believe, we choose joy, we choose comfort in knowing that God is still in control....but some days it's hard to do any of those things. Some days it's hard to have faith in the things unseen. 

On those days it is SO nice to have friends in your life…kind of like Moses needed Aaron and Hur. 

Moses' strength grew weary, but he was blessed with Aaron and Hur who held up his arms, so that his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. -Exodus 17:12. 

Do you understand what that means? 

Moses had a job to do. 

God called him to lead their people out of bondage…but he couldn’t do it alone. 

As a wife and mom, it’s super important to understand that we have got to surround ourselves with people who will uplift us when we are struggling….with people who are rooted in Christ so that when we are weak, they can remind us that we can lean on God, for he is strong. 

Think of it as borrowed faith.

Borrowed faith is necessary when we are exhausted, weary, tired of fighting and believing. Because sometimes it's way easier to say forget it, and throw in the towel. 

On those days, we really need others to put a stone under us so that we can sit.

We need people to hold onto our arms when we can't hold them up any longer. 

And maybe you are in a season where you don’t have any friend’s like that. (I’ve been there)

One thing that I know is true, that we attract the kind of people that we are ourselves. (let that sink in)

If we don’t have those kinds of friends in our circle, why don’t we? ‘

It might be time do some self inventory and ask some very real questions about who we are in Christ and what kind of fruit we are bearing as a testament of what he has done in us.

I know this is something you’ve heard before…but this time, this time you might just need to lean in and take action. 

And in the meantime, know that I am praying for you. If you don't have anyone that you can borrow faith from in your life, always trust that you can borrow mine. 

Because believe me when I say, I know how it is to feel completely alone in the midst of a storm.

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"Let the thunder be my comfort

Let the lightning be my guide

Let the waves that rise around me

Hold me gently through the night

For the winds that seem against me

Push me right into Your arms

Teach me how to sleep in the storm"

-Unspoken

America has a funny relationship with its history. 

For the last couple of weeks, I have been asked how we’re feeling. 

It’s a tough question to answer, but I want to be fully transparent with all of you.

We are sick with emotion. Overwhelmed, disgusted, angry, scared, anxious, confused, exhausted, traumatized, and mentally drained.

And the toughest part about all of this is that these feelings are essentially on repeat because racial injustice has always been a part of our lives.  

This time it's different....this time it's people who we consider friends that are posting, commenting and sharing content amongst themselves- mocking, and ridiculing the black community.

Everyday is a new gut punch.

But not to worry, I am fully aware of who the real enemy is. I am very much awake. 

 And so I wonder...what has been their experiences...to allow this conclusion.

Because these are not bad people.

These are people who would give anyone their last without hesitation.

I work with them.

Our children play together.

So how are they ok with these memes...essentially mocking who I am?

And so we talk, and have the uncomfortable conversations...and I hear their experiences.

& then we both realize...they have no idea.
 Racism and white supremacy is so systematically & deeply engraved into this country that people have become numb to it.  

Racist jokes are normalized...people are made to feel indifferent about them.

This goes both ways.

We laugh it off and suppress it, otherwise it's uncomfortable.

How else is it so easy for society to understand why a child would shoot up a school after 4 months of bullying, but can't understand why an entire group of people would feel so much pain after 400 years of systematic oppression?
We are all a product of our surroundings, and our surroundings have been flawed....for generations.

This nation must first learn from the mistakes of our history if we are ever to heal and have peace.

 But first, we've got to have the uncomfortable conversations with each other.

If any of this resonates with you, feel free to reach out to me. Would love to hear from you. 

I want to have the conversation with you, hear your experience, and also share mine. 

Contact me here.

With love and peace, 

Marissa